Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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