no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
