your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
