I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
