she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
