Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize