Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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