I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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