he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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