I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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