So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
