i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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