How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
