when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is the high leading the old right now
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
