I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
