I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
