You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize