im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
