I heard we made out
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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