I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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