remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
