Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize