My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
