the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
