How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize