mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
