He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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