Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
