well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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