happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
