I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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