birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
