Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
