there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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