I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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