so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
