I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
whose parrot is this?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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