therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
