i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
