I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
