so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
