He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
