drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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