I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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