So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
