Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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