I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
