I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
