Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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