i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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