is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
