do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
