he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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