The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
