I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Boobs are out for the taking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
