I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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