And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
