i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
