You made me cry and you don't even care
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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