its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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