I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
