You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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