Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
