so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
