gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
