That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
