Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize