If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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