Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
