I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
