He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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