she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
