i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
