make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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