Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
