used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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