I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize