How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
