planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
whose ass print is on the piano?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
