I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
