can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
