wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dignity is for republicans.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
