highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
