I am spending my child support on dildos
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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