So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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