You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
