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She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
