You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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