whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
