Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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