She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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