the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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