Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Randomize