shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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