can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
