i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize