dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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