i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
