Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She said her name was "party"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
