It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
