I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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