I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
