it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
