I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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