how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
