i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
