i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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