I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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