Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They took my balls.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
