Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
