how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize