they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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