i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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