I want to have your abortion
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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