It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
