your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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