She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
