please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
