i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
