This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
